My power has been a mud puddle. A pool of fresh rain that someone walked through in bright red
rubber boots. I have been waiting for the dust to settle, so I can see a
clear reflection of what it means to heal into my power in present time?
I know what it means to exercise
powerlessness, to know with absolute certainty that I cannot do it. I know what
it means to believe in your power more than my own, to reach outside myself for
some strength that I think is lacking within me. It is as if I must reach for
the nuts and bolts in your toolbox to fortify me, for me to know myself as
whole or for me to know the fortress of my being is safe.
Yes, I know about learned powerlessness,
but do I know about healing power? Sometimes my power feels like a big dinosaur
that will stomp everything around it. The dinosaur hesitates to step, concerned
about the impact of her existence, more than walking her path. Yet, I also know
that it is impossible to walk my path so that nothing is touched, nothing is
shifted and nothing is moved. We are here to grow and growing requires shifting
of bones, breaking out of shells and changing of familiar clothes. I can stand
still, but that leads to stagnation and the truth is, there is no such thing as
stillness. Even a lake that appears still, the wind comes and what of the life
that is moving under the surface of the water? Even still things breathe, move
and expand, despite appearances to the contrary.
Yet, I cannot believe that doing the
least harm requires you to be something other than who you are. In my early
years, I spent a lot of time wishing I was someone other than who I was to
receive support and validation. I spent a lot of time wishing I could hide in a
corner, not want so much and wishing I was not called to living out loud in big
noticeable ways. A lot of time went by, a lot of energy was exerted and at the
end of the day, I was still an artist that was healing out loud. I never got
the approval I twisted myself for and if I did the costs far exceeded the income.
I have come to believe that we can twist
ourselves into a knot in the name of seeking acceptance. We can twist ourselves
in the name of seeking love. We can twist ourselves in the name of community,
but twisted or untwisted, we are still our essence and our essence is light. We
are created to manifest the life within us. If you are born a giant dinosaur,
there is no need to wish you were a mouse and if you are born a mouse, it is
not the least harmful to wish you were a cat. It does not serve anyone to wish
you were something other than who you
are, most of all you and the Creator who created you
perfectly.
So, the question becomes do we get to
live our lives beyond or outside of the dichotomy of too much or too little
personal power? Do we get to have personal power that was grown in our heart
garden? Do we get to have personal power that is not a reaction or a reflection
of someone else's truth? I am claiming my ability to use power that reflects my
authentic center and my highest truth about who I know I am.
In my ceremonial dress, I take my hand
held drum and stick and I walk into the center of a wheat field. I beat the
drum and call forth all aspects of my power. I call all of what I have in me,
all of my past decisions about how I used my power. I call back all of my power
that I have left in places, people and circumstances. Come home now! Come home
now! I call forth all the conditions that I have placed on my power. The conditions that tell me when I can and cannot use it, who I can
and cannot use it for (and of course using my power is only valid when I use it
for someone other than me) and the message that using
power is the same thing as abuse of power.
When all are gathered in a circle around
me, I sing a song of authenticity, compassion, love, healthy boundaries,fairness,transparency, inclusivity and sharing power from my authentic center. I
sing it until they know it well and reflect who I am in present time. Then I
lower my drum, close my mouth and open my eyes and look at my present-time
power in plain view of my smiling
eyes and my awe inspired lips. Then I lay down my drum and open my arms-wide as
the earth-holding all in unconditionally loving arms, grateful for their part
in my growth, my protection, my process and whisper welcome home as they
disappear one by one into my heart.
I share my story of my journey to
strength, so that you may have permission to reflect on your own. Maybe you
will come to know-as I have-that it was there all along.
The theme for this e-newsletter is
Healing Power:
PODCAST: Unrealistic: This podcast is a reflection on allowing other
people to walk their path and following their healing journey as part
of honoring your own: http://podcast.kishamontgomery.com
BLOG: Letter from a Retired
Activist: http://blog.kishamontgomery.com
PROSE: An Idealist in Love: http://www.kishamontgomery.com/prose.htm
DIGITAL FILM: Walking Already
I limited myself to using
clips from the last 10 minutes of 20 tapes to see what I could make! I made
this image compilation to a poem that I recorded in
Healing power,
Kisha